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In my 34 years of experience, I have found that most couples seeking therapy have three underlying problems in common. They experience a sense of having lost their “connection,” difficulties with trust, and an inability to discuss and resolve important issues without escalating into hurtful fights and/or cold withdrawal. The teaching and practice of respectful and open communication is essential to repairing connection, redeveloping trust, and instituting safe and reliable approaches to discussing and resolving differences.
Initial Interview
The first meeting is a time for the therapist to explore in detail just what is troubling each partner in the relationship and to get an overview of the relationship. Just as importantly, the first session is the time for the couple to see if they feel comfortable with the therapist and her style, as well as to ask questions about her approach and experience.
Initial Assessment and Treatment Plan
By the end of the first or second interview, the couple will receive feedback on individual and couple patterns of interaction that are not working and an initial plan to change these patterns. This plan includes work that will be done in the therapy sessions and weekly homework to be done between sessions. Feedback will also be given on the positive aspects of the relationship that the couple may have lost sight of and that need to be acknowledged to give the couple a more balanced and accurate picture of their relationship.
Communication Skills
Depending on the couple’s issues, style of presentation and the skills already in their repertoire, communication skills specific to each couple’s needs will be taught and emphasized. The following skills are most often included:
 • Expand self and partner awareness regarding important issues
• Listen accurately and empathetically
• Identify and change breakdowns in communication
• Anger management and de–escalation
• Preserving the intimate bond
• Resolve conflicts by creating agreements collaboratively
Role of the Therapist
As your therapist, I will not at any time in our working relationship be judging who is the “good guy” and who is the “bad guy.” My roles include facilitator, systems analyst, teacher, therapist, and referee. My office is a safe place to let out your feelings, even crying and shouting.
Individual Problems
To successfully resolve couple issues, therapy will often involve exploration of long standing issues as these are related to couple’s interaction and desired changes.
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